Party Like It’s 1984

3 Jan

For some time he sat gazing stupidly at the paper. The telescreen had changed over to strident military music. It was curious that he seemed not merely to have lost the power of expressing himself, but even to have forgotten what it was that he had originally intended to say. For weeks past he had been making ready for this moment, and it had never crossed his mind that anything would be needed except courage. The actual writing would be easy. All he had to do was to transfer to paper the interminable restless monologue that had been running inside his head, literally for years. At this moment, however, even the monologue had dried up.  George Orwell, 1984.

I had planned to write a post to publish on New Years Eve. It was going to be full of optimism for the new year and not mention at all the crappiness of 2010. I started trying to write on Boxing Day and I’m still trying on 1st 2nd 3rd January. I have lots to say but at the same time I have nothing to say. I don’t know why it’s become so difficult to put any words down, I started with the best of intentions. I think that with everything that’s been going on with my son’s father (now known as the wally) I feel like I have just had the life sucked out of me and everything is a bit blank.

I can not carry on living life like this so 2011 will be different. I know that I have no control over the situation I am in so I will just have to deal with each meeting/hearing/contact as they happen and try not to even think about them on the days in between. I will try to rediscover a little of who I was before I met the wally. I will do more things for myself and try new things. I will blog about it all.

I say something along those lines every year. My resolutions are good for about a week then I slip back into my old way of thinking, daily life takes over and nothing changes. To assist me in the mammoth task I have set myself this year, I need a bit more motivation to actually write a list of goals and carry them out. Lucky for me I have just discovered Day Zero Project. A new page will be added to the blog just for keeping track of how I’m doing so if you see me slacking, feel free to give me a kick up the bum to get me moving again.

So that’s it, my first post of the year and my decision to make 2011 blooming brilliant.

Wishing you a very happy 2011 filled with fun, and good luck with your own resolutions and goals xx

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4 Responses to “Party Like It’s 1984”

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. First Goal Completed « Things 'n' Stuff - January 16, 2011

    […] the internet, looking at all kinds of things to distract from the fact that I was trying to write this blog post, and I knew immediately that it was for me. It was exactly what I didn’t know I […]

  2. Goodbye Summer « Things 'n' Stuff - September 10, 2011

    […] I have a summer of things crossed out and I don’t like it. This year was supposed to be blooming brilliant but I’m letting other people get the better of me again and it’s dragging me down. I […]

  3. 2011 – Turned Out Brilliant In The End « Things 'n' Stuff - January 11, 2012

    […] we are again, the start of another year. Around this time last year, I wrote this post about ‘my decision to make 2011 blooming brilliant’. I followed it up with a post […]

  4. 2011 – Turned Out Brilliant In The End « Toasting Marshmallows - April 3, 2012

    […] we are again, the start of another year. Around this time last year, I wrote this post about ‘my decision to make 2011 blooming brilliant’. I followed it up with a post […]

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